The Wandering FamiLee

It’s with such a heavy heart that I write these words following the end of our lovely Lola’s journey on this earth, this time around.

More than a Dog

For those of you that have followed along with us know that our family is made up of two adults, two children and three springer spaniels. By family, I mean that we are all here every step of the way together, each as cared for and loved as much as the next, all part of the same team that only exists as each one of us is pivotal in making it.

Lola was in charge of love. She was the love holder. A heart so full of love that it made her heart swell beyond the space it was intended for and so much so that she carried what we called ‘her backpack of love’ on her booty which got to the size of a cantaloupe melon, disguised as a tumour.

An unexpected rehoming situation is what brought her to our family. The instant she met us, she jumped into the van, knowing she had found her forever home and also her purpose. Lola was an angel disguised in springer spaniel clothing. She knew what we were thinking before we did. She was my soul sister, my confidant, my guide and my favourite being in the whole world.

It’s time

Lola had an enlarged heart and a growing heart murmur her whole life and we were told from a young age not to expect her to live to an old age. When her heart condition got worse, she developed the tumour which was inoperable due to her heart. None of that ever kept Lola down. She never asked for anything, never showed any pain or discomfort. She never complained and continued to play with and nurse her younger and older brothers respectively.

For the last two years she has given us a couple of scares, but then dusted herself off and carried on as before. We knew in that back of our minds that she could leave us at any time.

It was Sunday, five days ago when we took her and Lenny for some Sunday breakfast, a dip into the city and then a county walk at one of her favourite spots.

I let her off the lead at the top of the lane as normal and she raced ahead to beat her little brother to the bottom, always able to turn on her turbo if she felt like it.

And that was it…by the time we walked the eight footsteps down the lane into the forest she was gone.

A gift

When Lola first came to us she would do this thing whenever we went out. She would collect an item from each room in the house (and at the time we had a pretty big house), then she would place them neatly spread out on our bed. Once she even gently took some flowers out of the vase on the dining table, without spilling a drop and then placed them on our bed. They were her little gifts to us. Since then, she’s given nothing but gifts to us and she indeed was a gift in herself. It was a gift that she died in the best way a spaniel could, without any pain or trauma, living life and happy.

What now?

Now we go through the stages of grief. We process and remember. I miss her so much it hurts. It literally hurts in my body, so I move. I move to feel the ache of loss, to feel the sadness rise in my throat, to sensitise myself to a life without her. The kids cry, we talk about her a lot. We talk about what happened and why. We remember all the good times. We turn this grief into gratitude. We’re grateful for every minute spent with this little angel and all that she brought to our family.

I don’t know for certain where Lola is now but we like to think that she’s made her way up to the stars. From the stars she can watch down on us and also frolic in the clouds with others loved and lost.. She’ll stay there until she’s ready to come earthbound again, when she might just return to us in another guise.

From grief to gratitude

Thank you for reading this. It has been hugely healing to write. I hope it has not made you feel sad but has lifted your heart to know there are angels amongst us.

Lola will always live in our hearts and if you met her, no doubt a little bit of her will live in yours too.

The biggest of love

The FamiLee xxxx