The Wandering FamiLee

Our last blog was all about travelling as a family and recognising our own and each others needs – you can read that little nugget here. Today’s is more about hanging out with yourself.

You might be thinking I’m quite happy spending time with myself thank you very much and I think I’m an awesome person to be around. If that’s the case, read no more, you’ve got it nailed. If you’re wondering what on earth I’m on about, read on…

Stepping away from ‘normal’ life.

There probably isn’t much out there like this subject on family travel blogs. It’s quite a draw to write about the good times, the places you’ve been, the dreams you long for. But, our hope for this blog is to bring a heart-led integrity that discusses those ‘sticky’ situations, emotions and processes that happen when you ditch the normal and slow life down.

So let’s start there. Stepping away from normal. Everyone’s normal is different and it changes throughout the various stages of life. Of course your normal at 18 is certainly not the same as your normal at 30 and completely different again at 65. Whatever ‘normal life’ is to you, it’s going to move at least sideways when you decide to live nomadically, travel full time, leave ‘the system’ or just slow down.

For us, that normal initially changed when we decided to live on a boat. Simplicity became key, as did organisation and everything in life revolved around tides. It was a wonderful time being so connected to nature and the cycle of the moons. Feeling the pull and force of the tides and the changing paths of wildlife as the seasons changed. Sounds romantic hey? And yes, it was. It also took a lot of hard work at times. That, coupled with our hectic workloads, stuck in school-run traffic and constantly running around at a rate of knots (excuse the unintentional pun). I felt like I was always late, like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. I was running around with my clock saying ‘I’m late, I’m late!”.

Moving away from family and friends to another country also shone a light on the fact that we were moving away from our normal. Leaving our community of friends was huge for all of us, daily life without seeing family too was way more than a little adjustment. We’d said goodbye to our homeland as we knew it.

Without distractions.

It took a good 2 months for us to land and unravel. We had become so busy and ‘rushy’ as Remi would call us in our previous life that our nervous systems did not know how to stop. Us parents went through a period of physical and emotional recalibration that took us both sides of extremes before coming back to our centre. We were drained and exhausted at first until we found our grove after slowing down and finding a new speed to live at.

Planning, running and stressing silently left us and in its place came an effortless presence. Instead of living life for whats happening later, our attention became focused on whatever was happing that day or in that moment.

With parasympathetic nervous system reengaged, we were forced into a quiet space to ask the question:

‘Who am I anyway?’

Without the distractions of work, social engagements, school runs, bills, TV and the ever-growing amount of bloody subscriptions that we are expected to sign up to, we had no option but to get to know ourselves a little more than we ever had the time or interest to before.

It’s easy to overlook things or bypass feelings when you’re busy. It’s a different story in the silence. You can’t escape, you have to listen in and look inwards for the answers you didn’t even want to know. Ask anyone who has been to a silent mediation retreat. The silence is deafening and the awaking extraordinary.

If life is passing at a rate of knots and you’re not sure that you truly know yourself, perhaps some time to slow-down, get out of the rat race or time in the quiet zone could be just the thing you need to hear the answer.

We’ve all learnt so much about ourselves and each other. I have found two very different sides to myself that I had never realised before. I know when these different parts of me are in play and I know what that means for me and for the family and others around me. There’s a dynamic side (cue Kasabian’s song ‘Fire‘) where I’m up for every adventure, am super creative, hugely sociable and can get stuff done with joy. Then there’s the sensitive sloth side that wants to hide under her cloak of worry and disinterest and just can’t find the wisdom of conversation. It’s purely cyclic (ladies there are some amazing books that help explain the cyclic highs and lows we powerful women go through here, here and here.

Acceptance is key.

And now we’ve had the time to spend with ourselves, we’re really ok with us and where we’re at.

When the answer to who you are presents itself, the key thing is to accept it. Accept all of it. Even the parts you don’t like too much. Definitely the parts that are less palatable to others. Accept the different sides of you. Relish in the absurd and the annoying.

Once you know all this stuff about yourself it’s much easier to both be with yourself without distraction, and make important healthy choices for yourself. For instance you might know that you love to gorge on chocolate of an evening (that’s me btw) and you’ll love that part of you but wont need to indulge it anymore.

I’m not sure if it’s this time away from comparison, time to reflect or just the mounting years of experience that comes with age, but I can honestly say I am happy with me and accept myself more than ever.

What would you do?

‘What do you do with all this time with yourself’ is a question we receive often. Well, we do our little things, the things that make us, us. Nothing groundbreaking and that’s just fine.

What would you do with time and space, without pressure, expectation or distraction? Who are you without pressure, expectation or distraction?

If you’ve actually read this and got this far, thanks for reading. Like anyone is going to search ‘How to handle being with yourself when living on the road’ anyway 😉

With love and without expectation.

The Familee x